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There is a peculiar beauty in rejection that only reveals itself when you're standing on the other side. The pain that once felt insurmountable becomes the very foundation upon which you build your resilience. This is the story of how I transformed from someone broken by rejection into someone who expected it, planned for it, and ultimately grew because of it.

The heartbreak 

December 15, 2023 - 02:14 

Tonight, I stared at the ceiling fan making its futile rotations, much like my thoughts circling around her final words. The silence in my apartment was deafening after the breakup. Not just a romantic severance, but the amputation of an entire social circle - the only friends I had known were through her. The hollowness expanded within me like a universe being born from nothing, vast and cold. I wrote in my journal: "When you lose someone you love, you also lose the person you were when you were with them."

December 29, 2023 – 22:42

New Year's celebrations are happening everywhere, but I'm sitting alone with takeout containers that are piling up. Dostoevsky wrote about this kind of solitude - not the peaceful kind, but the kind that gnaws at your insides until you feel hollowed out [1]. The worst part isn't even missing her anymore; it's realising I had built my entire social existence around someone else's orbit.

The turning point

March 3, 2024 - 08:37 

This is the first morning I didn't immediately think of her. Instead, I wondered: "Who could I become if I channelled this pain elsewhere?" I found an old copy of "Atomic Habits" under my bed [2]. The dust on it matched the dust on my ambitions. I opened a random page on the book and I was drawn to this quote "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." With a sip of one shot honey and a double shot of espresso, I shared my current thoughts and emotions bi-weekly in [3] anonymously and the emotional support and feedback of the beautiful-minded people there helped in the long run.

July 12, 2024 - 23:26

I have watched three coding tutorials back to back, which has caused my eyes to burn from the screen time. Despite the pain, I felt something I haven’t felt in months – purpose. I started applying for internships and by the end of the day I had completed eleven applications. Although I had no responses, there was a strange comfort in my attempt. As Ryan Holiday would say, "The obstacle is the way."[4] My obstacle is no longer heartbreak; it's my own inexperience. That, at least, I can fix.

The persistence 

August 28, 2024 – 18:19

Rejection email #67 arrived today. I began keeping track after the first fifty rejections. Each "unfortunately" and "we regret to inform you" stings less with time. I've adjusted my expectations. Yet with every rejection, I've used tools like [5] to update my resume, enhance my portfolio, and fine-tune my approach. The girl who left once made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Now, these companies are showing me how to become enough.

September 17, 2024 – 15:42 

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror practicing interview techniques and I caught myself smiling with the progress I was making. 132 rejections so far. Each one has shed a layer of my former self, revealing someone stronger underneath. No longer define myself by who loves me back, but by how I rise when no one does.

The breakthrough 

October 5, 2024 - 14:15

Three job offers came in the past two weeks. Three! I accepted the offer at Pulikidz. As I signed the contract, I felt tears coming down my face - not for what I lost, but for what I found in the emptiness that followed. Within months, I was leading a team of three developers, architected microservices, and delivered a childcare management platform ahead of schedule. 

The reflection 

The universe has a peculiar way of answering our deepest needs. What I thought was the end of my world became the beginning of my strength. Rejection wasn't my enemy; it was my most honest teacher. Now I know - I will face rejection again, in love, in work, in life. The difference is that I no longer fear it. 

When you're broken open, that's when the light gets in and sometimes, that light shows you the path you were always meant to walk.

References

[1] The concept of solitude is explored in Fyodor Dostoevsky's "White Nights," which delves into the emotional depths of isolation.

[2] Atomic Habits is a book by James Clear, first published in October 2018.

[3] is an app-based peer support network and crisis support helpline available to °®ÆＧ of London students studying online or at Recognised Teaching Centres.

[4] The phrase "The obstacle is the way" is coined by Ryan Holiday in his book "The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph."

[5]  - a tool offered by the °®ÆＧ of London Careers Service.

If you were affected by the topics in this blog you can seek support from the °®ÆＧ of London Wellbeing Services. For more information visit Support and wellbeing | °®ÆＧ of London

Jamiul studies Computer Science in Bangladesh.